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  • Writer's pictureKelly

A walk in the woods

This date was a potential opening scene for Midsomer Murders.

"Let's go for a walk in the Heath", he suggests, "I'll show you my oak".

The pretty but naive girl follows him into the woods with her fluffy, but completely ineffective, guard dog.

Athena dressed up for her date

He says he's an avid walker - clocking up 50 miles a week on his Fitbit - and yet he is sweating profusely.

A clearing appears.

"Let me show you my friends", says he, taking out a tub of Brazil nuts.

He throws the expensive delicacy on the ground and suddenly they are swarmed by squawking black crows, reminiscent of the scene in LOTR when Frodo and the Fellowship are chased by the evil crebain.

Why would you waste Brazil nuts on these birds??

The happy dog foils his plan and chases the crows off, thus saving the girl from having her eyes pecked out and being spirited away to the lair. The man reverts to the original plan and they delve back into the forest.

"This way", he beckons, climbing over an almost hidden fence and into the foliage.

The brambles tear at the girl's sandled feet as she didn't realise this would be a cross-country hike (plus the female is always wearing inappropriate footwear in horror films).

Away from the main path they slowly make their way, fighting through the barrier of overgrown bushes. They disappear into the trees.

The scene ends there.

I escaped this date alive and found that Mr Oak (his local nickname) is one of the oldest trees in the Heath and a place where people in the pandemic used to go to meditate.

DCI Barnaby would have been happy as he'd finally have the night off...

Previous date: A Maybe Date

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