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DATE 11 – THE EFFORTLESS ONE

Updated: Feb 25

We spoke on the phone and my normally, dormant feminist side was roused when he told me that I need to make sure I dress up for our date. Presuming he must be joking, I explained that as I was coming straight from work, and in my bike gear, I would not be looking like a movie star. However, when he repeated that I ought to make a proper effort because it was a date after all, my inner equality radar went off.

This is NOT how I ever look

Who, in their right mind, tells a woman to dress up for a date in the 21st century?? As if most women would ever say anything like that to their male date beforehand: “Well, make sure that the beard is trimmed and your head nicely polished please, it is a date after all love.” (Incidentally, and very sadly, bearded baldie just wanted to be friends. Sad times.)


I had almost resolved never to speak to him again when my inner goof decided that I would meet him for a date. Having made as little effort possible.


On the morning of the date I wore no deodorant and no perfume. My one concession was to wash my face though I didn’t even shower! I wore a man jumper, a pair of leggings and my full on motorbike gear. I even had helmet hair which I scrapped back into an ugly pony tail. I waited at Clapham station for him after I parked up the bike. Suddenly I had a crisis of confidence as I realised that, for the first time since I was 15, I had not even curled my eye lashes to leave the house. Let alone go on a date.

If only I had looked this good

However, as my mother always said, 15 seconds of insane courage is all you need in any situation. And so I waited. What walked out of the station was THE most beautiful man I have ever encountered, immaculately dressed and looking as if he had stepped out of Vogue magazine. Beautiful caramel skin, gorgeous afro bobbled hair, gold Harry Potter spectacles with a winning chinos and cardigan combo. I felt like a total frump in all my ironic masculine layers as I waddled up to give him a welcome hug.


He was charming and funny with traditional old fashioned manners; the conversation was light and interesting. He was even polite enough at one point to say that I looked nice and that he had a thing for tomboyish girls.


I drove home kicking myself. Unsurprisingly, he hasn’t messaged since.


19 November 2016


Next post: Date 12 - The Photoshopped One

Previous post: Date 10 - The Bearded Baldie One

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About Kelly

Kelly lives by the philosophy of:

'You're more likely to regret the things you didn't do than the things you did do'.

Which is a good way to giggle about the ridiculous situations she often finds herself in...

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