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  • Writer's pictureKelly


Updated: Feb 25, 2020

Tall with a chiselled jawline, smouldering eyes and rippling muscles, he’d messaged me first, albeit a fairly mundane introductory message. However, given the distinct lack of current potential on OkStupid and his obvious good looks I swapped numbers with him. After several days of WhatsApp chat and a couple of selfies of him at work/home etc, we set a date to meet.

I was intrigued by his Buddhist view on life and that he has travelled for many years, practising meditation in various locations. An honest, sincere soul it would seem.

In tune with his higher self.

We decided to meet at Kings Cross yesterday, go for a walk along the canal and grab some food somewhere along the way. I arrived first.

Although he messaged to say that he had arrived, for the life of me I could not see him in the crowds. After a relay of messages I eventually called him, his dulcet tones soothing my fears that I had been stood up whilst we tried to find each other.

Someone bumped into me while I was on the phone trying to locate my date. After several awkward side-to-side dance moves with what I presumed was a street seller, I looked down into his beady eyes and told him that I was busy.

I was completely confused that this street seller knew my name.

Shock. Horror. This short Indian man with pocketed acned skin, greasy hair and a pot belly WAS my date. I was too bemused to speak whilst his first words were, “I thought I’d come over and say hi in case you didn’t recognise me”.

No sh** Sherlock, of course I wasn’t going to recognise you, you photo-shopped stalker. The pictures had been so doctored that he had appeared white in them. And tall. And smouldering. Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

Damn you Instagram

This was the first time that I have ever been so close to walking away on a date but my good breeding won out.

Suddenly I ‘remembered’ that the weather forecast was not great so I suggested a quick coffee instead of our planned walk and lunch. It was not as quick as I had hoped sadly.

I tried to enjoy the moment but my mind was raging that my good manners resulted in my sitting with this impostor.

Unbelievably, he messaged today to ask me on a second date.

27 November 2016

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