The Hunter and the Thrush
Updated: Apr 3
Honestly, there was a perfectly good reason as to why I was weeing in a bush in the middle of the night, despite having an ensuite bathroom.
A monster was next to the toilet bowl.
Our 4 day Indian rainforest retreat started well enough: a glorious restful eco-resort, solar-powered and set away from civilisation in lush forest. No wifi, no electricity, just wonderful nature, home-grown food and lots of relaxation.
Deafening cicadas outside our cottage
Earlier that evening, The Boyfriend came out of the bathroom looking shell-shocked and reluctantly admitted that there was a spider inside.
I had a look. It wasn't just a spider but an 8 legged beast staring back at me with multiple eyes. My teeth didn't get brushed that night.
I blocked up the door cracks with a towel so The Beast couldn't get in to the bedroom.
At 2am, The Boyfriend braved going to the bathroom and came back triumphantly to tell me the spider had left.
My response was unsurprised given that the Huntsman was on the wall by the bed.
Hunstman spiders don't weave webs. They don't need to. They're so fast that they just chase their prey and leap on them. Great.
The next half hour was spent trying to catch said creature in a various cups and bowls.
Unfortunately, none of these had a wide enough diameter to contain The Villain so eventually we (and by 'we' I mean The Boyfriend) used a bin to trap her.
He slowly slid the bin across the wall whilst the furious creature ran laps inside. And then, The Brute jumped up inside the basket, at which point The Brave Boyfriend screamed for me to open the door, and flung our captive outside. My hero.
We managed 2 hours of fitful sleep until the resident Whistling Thrush decided to warm up its voice for the day. At 5am. On our roof. Did I mention the whistling?
The next 3 days followed a similar, spidery pattern such that we left the retreat exhausted and bleary-eyed, checking in to the first modern hotel we found in Mangalore. With soundproofed windows.