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THE MANCUNIAN

Updated: Feb 27

Having exhausted the supplies of eligible men in London, I decided to set my sights further afield and set up a date with a surgeon from Manchester to coincide with a visit to family there. Given my lack of city knowledge and transport, the surgeon offered to pick me up after work and give me a tour of Manchester. This elicited fears of rohypnol and pile-ups for my mother; not only did I have to give her his phone number, profile picture and the hospital at which he worked, she also poked her head out of the house when he arrived to take down his car number plate. Given I’m in my 30s, this was a slight embarrassment.


Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice the neurotic woman photographing his car, so we sped off to eat at Five Guys. As he was driving it gave me ample time to subtly work out whether he was going to be really short or just had his car seat set very low. It was the latter.


He was friendly and chatty despite having sewn up a huge 15 inch stab wound of a drug dealer earlier that day. I gazed at my burger, dripping ketchup, as he gave more gory details and felt a little put off but happily managed to change the subject on to his PHd research into breast cancer and thus finish my saucy supper.

There’s a time and place for flesh-cutting-blood-dripping surgeon stories.

We ended up in a fancy cocktail bar which made incredible drinks with billowing smoke and sugar-crusted glass rims;  I kept my drink covered and in sight at all times, as promised to mummykins. We people watched and talked about a mutual love of salsa which inspired him to drag me to the local salsa bar. I was not dressed for this so persuaded him to continue his guided tour of Manchester with the promise that I’d take him out dancing in London when he was next down. We ended our tour at Man. United stadium looking at a bronze statue of some footballers (I presume) and then he took me home.

Inexperienced as I am with being dropped off in a car, we ended up having an awkward goodbye car-kiss as I hit his nose with my chin as I had to lean down to him in his seat. Mercifully, my mother wasn’t watching through the curtains.


8 Apri 2018


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About Kelly

Kelly lives by the philosophy of:

'You're more likely to regret the things you didn't do than the things you did do'.

Which is a good way to giggle about the ridiculous situations she often finds herself in...

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