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THE WHITE LIES OF TINDER

Updated: Feb 27

My date emerged from under Marble Arch and as he walked towards me I inwardly cursed Tinder for having caught me unawares again with its common White Lies…

The strategically placed hat in each photograph balanced with a clever camera angle to give the illusion of hair; a stretch of the truth with regards to inches (ahem, height of course); or conveniently missing out in the bio that said Tinderite still lives at home …. However, as we had already booked tickets to go on a Winter Tree Identification Walk in Hyde Park, I was at least relieved that he had kind eyes to go with his awkward smile.


We grabbed take-out coffee from the local Pret to keep us warm on the tour; I tried to put my superficial self away while simultaneously trying not looking at the top of the head surrounded by long hair which would have made Doc. Brown look good.


Don’t get me wrong here, by no means am I a baldist BUT surely there’s a time when a man must just accept that his hair is not going to make a reappearance and just shave it all off? Just embrace the smooth egg-head appeal. Does it not look worse to cling to the vestiges of follicle growth whilst on either side of the head there are anachronistic dreads mocking the crown? Anyhow, I digress…

Should I ever go bald, I’m getting this tattoo.

Doc. and I joined the group of early morning ramblers in the Look Out Centre in Hyde Park where we were given a laminated sheet with pictures of native tree buds and a magnifying card to use on the tour. I was pleasantly surprised to find that the assembled group was not just an OAP outing and our young tour guides, Greg and Laura, were welcoming and knowledgeable. We wandered around Hyde Park examining the early buds and stems – I even managed to guess a couple of buds correctly. Go me!


Chat with Doc. was mostly about trees as we didn’t have a great deal in common. He told me that he’d been to a pool party the night before which confused me as I hadn’t realised that he was still a student as he’s said he worked at the university (another White Lie). Then he mentioned that he’d only joined Tinder because his friends forced him to as he’d just got out of an 8 year relationship and, Wasn’t it great? He’d made loads of friends already! Clearly I was barking up the wrong tree with Doc.


Got a date with a music teacher next week…


14 January 2018


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About Kelly

Kelly lives by the philosophy of:

'You're more likely to regret the things you didn't do than the things you did do'.

Which is a good way to giggle about the ridiculous situations she often finds herself in...

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© 2019 by Kelly

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